Uma anna, sorry for using your room for this thing, Dalit scholar’s last letter before committing suicide


Following is the suicide note Dalit scholar Rohith Vemula wrote before ending his life.

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Good morning,

I would not be around when you read this letter. Don’t get angry on me. I know some of you truly cared for me, loved me and treated me very well. I have no complaints on anyone. It was always with myself I had problems. I feel a growing gap between my soul and my body. And I have become a monster. I always wanted to be a writer. A writer of science, like Carl Sagan. At last, this is the only letter I am getting to write.

I loved Science, Stars, Nature, but then I loved people without knowing that people have long since divorced from nature. Our feelings are second handed. Our love is constructed. Our beliefs colored. Our originality valid through artificial art. It has become truly difficult to love without getting hurt.

The value of a man was reduced to his immediate identity and nearest possibility. To a vote. To a number. To a thing. Never was a man treated as a mind. As a glorious thing made up of star dust. In every field, in studies, in streets, in politics, and in dying and living.

I am writing this kind of letter for the first time. My first time of a final letter. Forgive me if I fail to make sense.

My birth is my fatal accident. I can never recover from my childhood loneliness. The unappreciated child from my past.

May be I was wrong, all the while, in understanding world. In understanding love, pain, life, death. There was no urgency. But I always was rushing. Desperate to start a life. All the while, some people, for them, life itself is curse. My birth is my fatal accident. I can never recover from my childhood loneliness. The unappreciated child from my past.

I am not hurt at this moment. I am not sad. I am just empty. Unconcerned about myself. That’s pathetic. And that’s why I am doing this.

People may dub me as a coward. And selfish, or stupid once I am gone. I am not bothered about what I am called. I don’t believe in after-death stories, ghosts, or spirits. If there is anything at all I believe, I believe that I can travel to the stars. And know about the other worlds.

If you, who is reading this letter can do anything for me, I have to get 7 months of my fellowship, one lakh and seventy five thousand rupees. Please see to it that my family is paid that. I have to give some 40 thousand to Ramji. He never asked them back. But please pay that to him from that.

Let my funeral be silent and smooth. Behave like I just appeared and gone. Do not shed tears for me. Know that I am happy dead than being alive.

“From shadows to the stars.”

Uma anna, sorry for using your room for this thing.

To ASA family, sorry for disappointing all of you. You loved me very much. I wish all the very best for the future.

For one last time,

Jai Bheem

I forgot to write the formalities. No one is responsible for my this act of killing myself.

No one has instigated me, whether by their acts or by their words to this act.

This is my decision and I am the only one responsible for this.

Do not trouble my friends and enemies on this after I am gone.


  1. “My birth is my fatal accident.” What an indictment of India’s wretched and heartless caste system. A tragic loss indeed of a sensitive young soul who dreamed of writing about the cosmos but felt his only recourse was to travel “From shadows to the stars” by ending his life.

  2. This is for us, live as long as want but,remember this day after 70 years of independence our constitution failed equality in our society.

  3. Read his letter and adjudicate your self, why one should go spoiling HIS career i say he is disgruntled man. He FELT HE is unfit to live in the challenging world HE WANTS TO GO TO STARS WHICH DOES NOT ALLOW HIM TO STAY. POOR MAN WITH SELF DETERMINATION OF CRIMINALISING HIMSELF. I PITY THIS IS THE STANDARD OF RESEARCH SCHOLARS IN INDIA

  4. Only dirty politics on the unbalanced letter.
    Its not sure whether written by him or some politician who are willing to take advantage of his suicide / murder.
    Any one can not write such type of letter with a mentality of suicide.


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